Photo by Goby / Unsplash

A (Tooth)Brush with Death.

Technology May 23, 2023

That's what comes to mind when you hear "bluetooth toothbrushes." Yep, you heard me right—Bluetooth toothbrushes. The mere juxtaposition of these two words screams absurdity. We can only assume all the sharks have been jumped and there is only one reasonable conclusion left...

Humanity is doomed.

Or are we? Let's entertain this concept for a moment and delve deeper.

Bluetooth, the technology that connects our phones to our cars, has now invaded the realm of dental hygiene. It's like Vikings storming your bathroom, not to plunder your toothpaste, but to leave behind tiny sensors that meticulously monitor every detail of your brushing routine and send it to an app.

Now, you might wonder, what's the point? Well, it's not about the experience; it's about the data. These little sensors know precisely when and how long you brushed your teeth, and that information can be useful for all sorts of things.

Want to track your progress over time? Sure thing.

Want to synchronize your brushing schedule with your smart window shades? Knock yourself out.

Perhaps humanity's demise had been greatly exaggerated.

Just think about all the burnt pieces of bread that were saved by the invention of the toaster.

Speaking of breakfast, let's journey from the bathroom to the kitchen. Personally, I despise admitting just how much time I waste making my morning coffee.

In life, all I want is to be present with my loved ones. I enjoy asking them about their sleep or the weird dreams they had. I'd much rather indulge in interpreting dreams than stare impatiently at my espresso machine's temperamental behavior.

So, I upgraded to a Wi-Fi-enabled smart coffee machine. Having a machine that grinds, tamps, and pulls my espresso at a set time is a breeze... except for one teensy tiny problem.

By the time I reach it, my espresso has transformed into The Rock's relentless rival: Stone Cold. Why? Because I'm not a punctual robot; I'm an unreliable walking sack of flesh and bones with numerous foibles. I'm more like a New York bus in which you’re lucky I even bother to show up, than a precise Swiss train you could set your watch to.

However, the key to solving my miniscule problem lay in the device that I had questioned humanity's fate with earlier. You see, the bluetooth toothbrush was my savior. Using my smart home app I was able to sync the start of  the coffee machine's startup process with the moment I began my enamel-polishing routine. Do you know what this means?

It means whenever I rock up to my coffee machine, I'm greeted by the sultry swirl of hot steam soaring from the golden crema of my freshly-forged, bluetooth-boosted, espresso.

No more waiting, no more fussing—just the luxury of time to spend with my loved ones.

And that's where humanity triumphs with its bluetooth toothbrushes. A (tooth)brush with life.

It might seem like overkill, but when it comes to technology, there's no such thing as too much. Let's face it, who doesn't love a cool gadget? Transforming our toothbrushes into miniature data centers is just the latest example of technology infiltrating every aspect of our lives—for the better.

So, embrace the Bluetooth toothbrush. It may seem trivial, but it's another step in the unending march of progress. And who knows, it might just make brushing your teeth a tad more exciting, knowing that you're just moments away from deciphering the latest cryptic dreams between sips of espresso.

(A word of warning, ensure you don't scorch your tongue or you'll be the one with dreams of fire-breathing dragons.)